The Cat's in the Hat

...couldn't think of an appropriate title, and unbeknownst to me, The Cat in the Hat is telling tall tales to me via the television. Oh sweet parenthood.

It's been a very long time since I've written anything in here. To the point that I had to recover my account info as I had no clue what my log in info was. It's good to be back, and a long over due update is needed. So many things have changed since my last entry. For one, I no longer fear being that smoke and booze drenched cougar at a clandestine bar scene in some industrial district. *sigh of relief*

Life is continuing to treat me well, and rewarding me at times that I am not expecting anything. I'm now in college for real estate, starting up my own business, starting a volunteer public speaking career and nutrition/fitness/motivational coaching. I've fallen madly in love with a man that really and truly came from my dreams, and my daughter is developing into a very smart, witty and sometimes crazy 2 year old.

I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia recently...always had the suspicion based on the intense ill feeling I've always had if I didn't eat on time. I'm blessed to have a condition which can be treated with FOOD. Good food. Soon I will start sharing some of my recipes for delicious, nutrition packed feasts. Who says nutritious eating has to be bland, boring and cardboardesque? Certainly not I.

Check back often for links to some of my favourite nutrition/supplemental, beauty products, books, whatever I feel great about throwing out there as an amazing product recommendation. Trust me, I've tried almost everything.


xo

Fe Fi Fo Fum....

I think my ex is uber dumb! 

ahhh...it's good to be back in here.  I figured this blog needed a good dusting, it's been a while...much like my romantic life haha.  I'm seriously starting to fear a doomed future of 'cougardom', staking out innocent pray from a beer drenched bar stool in some clandestine bar....in an industrial district by a scummy lake somewhere.  Puffing on a Marlboro, with a few odd rollers in my hair that I had forgotten to take out proir to my hunt...I lock my gaze on a target. 

How the hell does a girl like me end up like that???  I don't want to know....

In the mean time, i'm keeping busy with school, being a single(still) parent, conditioning(physical endurance training), and my millions of hobbies and interests.  My mother suggested that perhaps I have ADD...based on my continuous need to be doing something, anything really...from spot welding to baking cookies.  Let's see how many things I do enjoy doing...maybe that will present sufficient evidence.

*Racing
*Fixing Cars
*Dirt Biking
*Snowboarding
*Motorcycles
*Physical fitness/conditioning
*Making bonfires
*THE BEACH
*Drinks with friends
*parties
*Educating my self, and now my daughter
*Reading and writing
*Gourmet cooking...yes I must admit I am a stellar chef
*Fine wines
* Playing either of my guitars, viola, cello, violin or piano
*writing music
*shopping
*"Girly things" manicures, pedicures, getting haid done etc..
*making my own candles
*Swimming (i'm an ex olympic trained athlete)
*Motherhood/fatherhood (way too many things to list off, but I enjoy every aspect of it...and I am pretty much both to my daughter)
*I can knit...yep, I know, i'm that cool
*Entertaining...love having friends over for food and fancy drinks
*boating
*fishing
*carpentry
*custom construction...I can do everything from concrete to finish carpentry
*Photography/art
*rock climbing
*College...yess I actually enjoy it!
*Training to be an 'Infantry-woman' I am a giver of life, and will be trained to kill ...paradox? yes...bad ass? definitely
*ummmm...well pretty much anything else I might look at, think of or hear about and say " hmm that sounds fun"

...maybe my mom has something there....or maybe, just maybe I am a super species of the human race who lives life to the fullest...yea I like the second explanation best. What I was doing in a relationship with a complete antethesis of myself...an uber douche if you will...I don't know...but I did gain an amazing, beautiful baby girl out of it, who continuously makes me want to do more, to better my self, and never give up on my goals.

Dear Daughter,

Mommy's flesh is not a device to sharpen nails on, bite, or try to misconfigure.  It has many nerve endings, and it hurts mommy when you do said actions.  Please stop these actions post haste. Thank you.

Ahhh you've got to love her.  She's got the grip of a warrior, the stealth of a ninja, and the cute cheeky smirk of an angel.  I can't help but laugh after she tries to tear me apart when she makes her patented "turtle" face.  I will have to put up a picture of that face soon, it's priceless.

I don't have much to write about today, my lack of sleep last night has me suffering through an eternal "brain fart" today.  I suppose I could just ramble on about something...but what? Hmmm...well I should probably file down this broken nail.  I seem to get a lot of those these days. Don't you hate it when they snag a sweater? Gah...

Well...it seems that is all I can come up with right now.  I think I am going to look up and drool over vacations that I can not possibly afford.
That is all.
xo

Karma Police...

...arrest this man, he talks in maths....he buzzes like a fridge, he's like a detuned radio...
I love that song, good way to start the morning...coffee, Radiohead...and watching my daughter squirm across the floor like a secret ops Navy seal. 

There's a verse in that song that got me thinking..."I've given all I can, it's not enough..." If' you've given all you can, and it's not enough...then you haven't really given all you can, have you? Last year I felt like giving up on everything.  I felt like I had nothing left to give, I was just kind of floating around like a glass bottle amidst the expansive surface of the sea.  I was empty...well save the fact that I had a baby growing in side of me.

2009 held some of the darkest hours of my life.  At 20 weeks pregnant, I found out that my love had been cheating on me through the entire pregnancy up to that point...and he was LIVING with her.  Yeah...I was beyond devistated, I was traumatized.  I felt as if my soul had been torn from my mortal body unwillingly.  I can only describe the feeling as being like someone close to you has died...that same heart wrenching dread.  What made it worse was that I had a tiny innocent life growing inside of me, and I couldn't protect her from feeling the horrible feelings that I was. 

I lost all direction in my life...suddenly I was alone...I was broke, I couldn't afford food, let alone crucial things my daughter would need.  I had no bed to sleep on, no room of my own.  I cried myself to sleep every night, and I felt so horrible that some of the first emotions my developing daughter was feeling, were the worst I had felt in my entire existance.  I felt unwanted, like some kind of alienated human, I was in self inflicted exile.  Who would love me now?  Where was I going to go? I had so much on my plate.  How could this happen to me of all people.  I am a giver, a lover, a friend.

Somewhere along the way, after I battled those dark demons, I found my way again.  I saw light and I ran to it like anyone would if they were lost wandering the desert and spotted a water filled oasis.  I felt so empowered...I realised that I had to be a strong woman to get through that, and I had to be a great role model for my daughter.  I could do it on my own, and I would do it, surpassing any successes that I had achieved before.  I remembered my strengths, my passions, my goals in life.  I remembered the talents I had, and the odd hobbies that made me who I am.

So this is where I am at in life...chasing after the abandoned dreams I had before and not letting anything get in my way again.  I hadn't given all that I could...so of course it was not enough.

xo

Yes, I am this bored...

My daughter is down for her nap, so I thought that seen as this blog is also a view into my fitness journey, I should put up some before and after photo's of my progress....

I think this is pretty self explanitory...but on the left is my before at 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, and to the right I am 7 months post partum with my daughter.  I never thought I would regain my pre baby body, but I am very dedicated and worked very hard to get to this point and to maintain it.  Of course breastfeeding has really helped to shed the 40 lbs I gained, but I eat a healthy diet (well mostly lol) and when I can't make it to the gym I lift free weights at home.  It is never impossible to reach a goal, you just have to take that initial step in the direction you wish to go! Nothing but good things will follow the course of your actions as long as they are positive!

I will post more photos as I get closer to competition shape and definition.

xo

Sunday, bloody Sunday

Well not really, I was just singing some U2 to my daughter...perhaps I should sing a different song to her lol.  I don't sing traditional lullaby's to her all that much.  I found that being a sleep deprived single parent and singing sleepy tunes rendred me in to a sleepy state, while my daughter was merrily looking around the room, squirming continuously, as I desperately tried to get her down for a nap.  It was then, in my rocking chair, I decided that singing other songs and melodies that I liked and would keep me awake would perhaps work better.  And I was right!  She particularly likes Led Zeppelin, Metallica and Bob Marley. That's my girl!

I was just looking at some skydiving classes in Toronto.  That is one of my odd goals for this year. It is something that i've always wanted to do, and last night I made the firm, but brief decision to do so.  Life is too short, and I am learning that more than ever now, watching my daughter grow, each month that passes is now a blur.

This morning I was looking at the two clocks in my kitchen, 2 minutes off from each other, and that got me thinking.  What's 2 minutes? What could happen in those 2 minutes?  To some people that is "just" time...it will pass uneventful, nothing changing.  Then I got to thinking, a lot can happen in 2 minutes, hell, even a second! Something so simple as this we all take for granted.  While sipping on my coffee and eating my Kashi "Go Lean" cereal I came up with this list of life changing events that happen every day in the world in 2 minutes, 1 minute and even a split second :
*Birth
*Your first breath
*Your first heart beat
*Conception
*Death
*Saying " I do"...or maybe I don't if it turns out your with the wrong person
*Meeting someone you will love, meeting some one you will hate
*A smile that can warm a strangers heart
*Signing for a major part of your life...mortgage, marriage, birth certificate etc...
*A leap of faith
*An accident
*Saying something that you may regret for a long period of time
*Saying something that you will not regret

I could go on, but i'm pretty sure you get where i'm going.  It's time to stop living in the past, dwelling on the negative, and sincerely start to appreciate each second we have in our lives.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to make a post on my Facebook to see who is crazy enough to go jump out of a plane and fall at over 200km/hr to the earth with me!

xo

Musical Turtles in a Room Coloured Purple

With my 7 month old daughter crawling around my legs...throwing miscellaneous objects at me, I am trying to get registered to compete in fitness competitions again.  This task alone is proving to be a challenge...after every sentence I am compelled to bend down and start up her "musical turtle" again. This should be very interesting these next few months. 
After I had my daughter, I was determined to get myself back to my pre-baby body.  I was feeling horrible about myself...finding out your love is cheating on you while you're pregnant will do that to you. Now that i've gone through that and come out on top, I am feeling like I can achieve anything I wish to. 
I think 2010 holds great possibilities for me, so I am going for anything that seems like a challenge.  Perhaps it's not such a great idea to start up a company, train, on top of being a single mother to most people.  But to me this is what I need to and want to do... my life has been anything but 'conventional', so to me this is just another day in the life of me.

Another Beginning

Ahh yes, as if I didn't have enough going on in my day to day life, I have decided to take on the task of blogging. Anyone who knows me, knows full well that I am an explosion of energy...and I vent that energy best by expressing my self through voice and written word. This could be the beginning of a beautiful thing!


Follow me through my chaotic life as a single mom, entrepreneur, student, fitness feind and all around odd happenings.